Sunday, May 18, 2008

Why Does Hurt, Hurt?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why people hurt us, why we hurt others, and why some hurts go away and others do not.

I’ve come to realize that the hurts that go away are those that are acknowledged by the doer. Those that don’t go away, are the ones that the doer does not acknowledge, or pretends doesn’t exist at all.

And I guess it’s our job to either move on despite the hurt, or let the hurt envelope us.

We hold grudges. But is it really because we are so hurt that we can’t forgive or because it’s easier to stay mad? Is it because holding a grudge allows us to have power over the other person?

I wonder all of this for several reasons:
1) I’ve been known to hold a grudge or two and am currently holding several.
2) I mentioned in an earlier post that I sought to make amends with several people from my past, but to no avail. Did never responding to me make them feel better about themselves?
3) Is any of this hurting and being hurt worth it? Life is so short. Shouldn’t we spend the time we have making the most of it?

I received a card in the mail today from a family friend who I haven’t talked to in awhile, not because I was holding a grudge or was feeling hurt by that person, but because repeated attempts on both sides have failed to make contact.

The card made me cry.

It was filled with some of the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful words I have heard in a long time.

And it’s those kinds of moments that really make all of the hurt bearable. The moments of the opposite, that truly shows the kindness and compassion of humanity.

I’ve realized over the past several months that I am more resilient than I ever anticipated. I can survive the hurt. It might take months, even years, but I can overcome the pain. What I cannot overcome is the ignorance of the guilty party.

It’s funny because several weeks ago, a friend of mine who I hadn’t talked to in awhile (that’s just how our friendship works) called to see how I was doing.

And you know what?

This call touched me more than most things recently have.

And I wondered why such a simple gesture had such a profound impact. It’s because this person, like the card sender, are true friends. No matter how big or small the gesture, they are always there. And they would never do anything cruel or malicious, intentionally or otherwise, to compromise what we have.

As the card tagline reads:

“Remember, I’m here to share the rainy times, too!”

So even when we are hurt and holding grudges, there will always be people there to support us. As I’ve suggested, there are those that will run as far away as possible at the first sign of trouble, but there are others, who, no matter what, will always be there to share both our pleasure and our pain.

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