Time

A situation like this (as I’m still not exactly sure how I’m referring to what has been going on, yet) makes you keenly aware of time.

While it’s true that Lupus is no longer a death sentence, there are lots of complications that can occur – organ failure, necessity of organ transplant, heart and lung problems, and the list goes on and on.

And it’s like, believe it or not, that I did and still do have plans for my life. I would like to get married and have children eventually. I want to write at least one book. I want to travel the world.

But all this is complicated by finding someone who is willing to love you, unpredictable disease and all, and then is willing to face times that are guaranteed to be scary and uncertain.

I know I’m young, but it’s like lately, I feel like my best pick-up line is (drum roll please), “I might look like I’m 22, but I feel like I’m 80.” How’s that for trying to snag a guy?

My mom keeps telling me that in order to meet people, I actually have to leave my apartment. Well, duh! But lately that’s easier said than done. Especially when you’re not feeling good, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut – doing the same old, same old, comfortable thing. I pretty much have a date with my couch just about every night.

This was supposed to be my year. A year of change. A year of doing things I’ve only ever talked about.

Well, this certainly has been a year of change – just not the kind of change I was expecting – starting grad school, surviving my first year, being diagnosed with multiple autoimmune diseases, trying to survive that…