I haven’t said this in awhile, but today was a bad day – physically and emotionally. I’m in the most pain I’ve been in, in awhile, and have a headache that I can’t seem to shake.
I got up this morning feeling slightly off and my mood worsened throughout the day. I’m feeling quite disillusioned right now. Over the past year, I’ve spent more time in doctor’s offices, being poked and prodded, etc., than I have anywhere else.
And I don’t feel much connection to anyone right now, including, maybe even especially, my doctors.
I’m tempted to throw my ever-expanding binder of medical *stuff* out the window and say to heck with it.
What if I decided to forego the meds and see what happens? I know, just as I was starting to feel better. This wouldn’t be my most brilliant idea ever. And it’s not going to happen. That would be just plain dumb of me, and probably quite dangerous.
But, you know, I am a pretty organized person. I like routine. But this monotony of medication and appointments is becoming a real drag. Especially when I have days like this when I just assume lay on the couch all day and do nothing.
But I couldn’t do that today because I had an appointment with Doctor E.
I guess, aside from still needing to learn how to deal with my doctors, I also need to learn how to deal with the flares. I could tell it was happening yesterday, but I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. No such luck.
So, when you have a chronic illness and are going to have a long-term relationship with yours doctors, shouldn’t they come to feel like friends? I mean, the doctor-patient relationship is certainly a hard thing to bridge, but doesn’t there have to be some kind of deeper connection than my patient number and the diagnostic code for my disease?