Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Hardest Part

The hardest part of all of this hasn’t been feeling bad. Well, it hasn’t been easy. But the hardest part has truly been dealing with the ups and downs. It’s not even that I have good days and bad days, but rather, good hours and bad hours. One minute my arms and legs are working perfectly and the next they might as well be alien parts that I’ve never used before. One minute I can be filled with energy and exuberance and the next I can be filled with insurmountable fatigue and exhaustion. Doctor C tells me that the fatigue is the hardest symptom to treat in autoimmune diseases.

In some ways, I feel like I am a slave to my body. While before I could push and push and push, until finally with a stunning blow my body pushed back, now I am forced to actually listen from the start.

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