Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Biding My Time

The last few months have been a combination of busy and not busy. 

We found an apartment and moved.  I’m still working on my last few projects and then I will share the finished product with you. (Busy)

I changed medications and got a cortisone shot in my hip. (Busy)

My job ended. (Not Busy)

I’ve been applying and interviewing for jobs. (Busy)

I’m just finishing a break from school. (Not Busy)

As busy (or as not busy) as I’ve been, I have days where I am just at home.  It’s not that I have nothing to do.  That’s not the issue. 

The issue is that it feels weird not to be going to a job everyday. 

It feels weird not to be constantly around other people. 

I’m okay on my own.  It’s not like I can’t handle it.  It’s just a matter of feeling like I should be doing something besides sitting at home getting school stuff done.

I’m also still trying to take advantage of having no pain in my hip.

Every week, my therapist asks me if I’m still feeling good.

And I say yes.

But in the back of my mind, I know that answer will someday be no.  I’m hoping that some day will be later rather than sooner.

And I’m trying to figure out how best to take advantage of the lack of pain. 

It would help if spring would get here already and give me a reason to just go outside and walk around. 

I’m also wondering if the Imuran is working.  It’s only been about a month since I started it, and as we all know, these medications can take several months before we see their full effects. 

But I know that at least I don’t feel any worse than I did before getting off the Tacrolimus/Prograf and getting on Imuran. 

I guess right now I’m in a holding pattern. 

Trying to find a job. 

Trying to finish school. 

Trying to figure out what no pain means for my life and what I will do when it comes back. 

Trying to figure out whether or not the universe has a plan, because if it does, I’m not seeing it right now. 

Right now, I’m doing okay.  I’m hanging in there.  Things could be better, but they could also always be worse.  

3 comments:

  1. That transition period between school and that after-school is a weird limbo place. Don't worry. The universe's plan will become clear. Might not be until 15 years from now, but it will become clear.

    (Not helpful?)

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  2. When my RA went into remission, I felt the same as you. The pain had been part of my life for so long I had no real idea how I should feel about not having it (other than happy, obviously). But my remission came on slowly, so that I was slowly doing more and more naturally. It didn't go away all at once, like yours. Instead, by the time it was completely gone, I'd adjusted to a new life of doing what I wanted, when I wanted, although I still couldn't run a marathon or climb El Capitan with nothing but my fingers. Darn!

    I guess what I'm saying is that your pain-free body will decide FOR you how much you can do. And probably, you'll be doing it--and then one day, be pleasantly surprised when you notice. ;o)

    Wishing you the best as you adjust to the many new joys and challenges in your life, Leslie. Hang in there!

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