I am a notoriously
terrible decision maker. Just ask my
boyfriend.
But the
reality is, I am good at making the big decisions, but when it comes to things
like what to make for dinner or where to go, I just don’t care.
I mean, I
do care, but I don’t. Because to me,
those little things don’t matter so much.
As
chronically ill people, we make so many decisions. All the time.
And most of the time, they are big important things that can really impact
our lives. Like medications, procedures,
you name it.
And the
thing is, by the time I’ve made all of the important decisions, I don’t feel
like having to make more decisions.
It’s
decision fatigue.
And I have
a feeling that a lot of us with chronic illnesses experience this.
Decision
fatigue can happen to anyone, but seems particularly apt in the case of
chronically ill people.
Being the
Type-A-er that I am, I have always had a hard time saying “no”. In the past, this has caused me to
overcommit, to the point of being extreme.
Over the
past year, however, I think I have done a better job of saying “no” to things
or skipping things that would be an energy suck that are not worth it.
Mainly,
though, I have had a significant amount of time where I’ve been unable to
function, which has necessitated clearing my schedule of everything but the
most necessary things that I have had to do.
This, of
course, ebbs and flows, but there are times when my body says “no” for me. When I don’t have any other choice but to say
“no”.
And it is
still hard for me to say “no” or to admit that I can’t do everything and have
to pick my tasks wisely.
And
sometimes, even when you want to do something and you do it, you have to be
okay with the consequences.
I have to
accept the fact that when I fly to New York on Thursday evening, have an event
there on Friday, and fly back to Michigan on Saturday morning (necessitating
getting up at 6 a.m.), I am going to pay for it. But it was totally worth it.
There are
other times, though, when doing something just isn’t worth the price you
pay.
And that’s
why we have to pick our battles and commitments wisely.
There are
certain things I won’t give up on, no matter what.
But there
are other things that just aren’t worth the cost.
This is a
really hard fact to accept. And I’m
totally sure I’m there yet. But every
time I overdue it, my body rebels. And
reminds me that I’m sick and don’t have unlimited energy stores.
So many of
us suffer from regular fatigue, and I guess decision fatigue is just another
part of being chronically ill.
Your words are exactly how I feel today. Decision fatigue us a great way to put it. Something as dumb as picking a movie on cable....it makes me crazy! Can I share this on facebook? It's a great post.
ReplyDeletemo
maureenk83@sbcglobal.net
I'm getting a lot better at saying no to things that aren't worth it. I have a really big problem saying no to things that are interesting and fun, though. Currently completely overcommitted with really interesting things. Looking forward to learning the lesson much better. ;)
ReplyDelete