Friday, January 16, 2009

Breaking My Silence (And Possibly Other Things)

Okay, so the “other things” part is only half serious. Yesterday, I fell in my apartment. It was one of those times that I was glad I was alone – because as of late, I’m feeling a little bummed about being by myself most of the time – but this was one of those moments where you look around to make sure no one saw, even though there was nobody else there. Although I’m fairly sure the people that live below me must have heard it.

This is not a glamorous story. I basically missed my rolling desk chair, lost my balance, and fell sideways. And of course, I had to land on my right hip and elbow, the body parts that give me the most constant and consistent trouble. And this makes me not believe that “the bigger they are, the harder they fall,” because I fell pretty darn hard.

Floor meet Leslie. Leslie meet floor. Hello…floor.

Come to think of it, my hair dryer fell off my bathroom shelf the other morning, and smacked my left wrist. Maybe I should just stay on the couch. That seems to be the safest place for me lately.

Other than a little bit of bruising, and a fairly big bruise to my ego, I’m fine, although I’ve been feeling a bit off these past few days (both emotionally and physically).

The past few weeks have been difficult, to say the least. I had started writing a few posts that I had intended to finish, but then my cousin died, and everything else took a backseat. I haven’t really had time to adjust to the new semester, and it has been difficult to reflect on some of the topics that I wanted to write about.

Walking to campus for the first time since break really tired me out. I really felt out of shape. My ankle was sort of swollen by the time I got home, which has never happened before. And the first day of school, I woke up and felt “wasted.” And if you have lupus, you know exactly what I’m talking about. My head just didn’t feel right, like I’d never slept, and I felt vaguely hungover.

On the other hand, though, the last few times I’ve exercised, it has actually felt energizing, rather than energy depleting for the first time in over a year.

Given the physical (lack of sleep) and emotional toll that the past few weeks have taken, I am surprised that I haven’t flared.

That’s all I have…for now…


  1. Just reading your tale exhausted me - you poor thing.

    Although, ...I think I can safely say you get a little fired up when you're wired up - and for those of us who read your stuff, that's good news. I know I learn a lot from you. Take care of yourself, though.

    Hang in there~ 'tis friday.

  2. Maria,

    You make me smile. You always have a way of writing a comment that pefectly matches the tone of my post. "Fired" and "wired"? What a combination!


  3. You have a wonderful way of poking fun at yourself while describing pain. Keep that humor! After 57 years of the ups and the downs, I don't get worried when I'm "down". Sometimes it's just where we have to be. My only suggestion (which you already know!) Keep writing and reaching out -- and don't stay alone more than it feels right,ok?

  4. Hi Rosalind,

    Thanks for your comment! It took me a long time to get to the point of making fun of myself, but I'd rather be the one doing it than have other people making fun of me. And as I'm sure you know, sometimess the only thing to do is laugh. I think you are right that sometimes the only way to be is down, but it is often difficult for the people around me to understand... So I'm glad you do.