As of late, I haven’t been blogging. It’s not so much that I haven’t had things to say as much as it has been a struggle about whether or not I should say it. I hesitate to express feelings I’ve held for quite some time. But, here goes…
I have made great friends through social media, blogging, and the chronic illness community, and I am forever grateful for that. However, I feel like so often it turns into a competition of who has it worse.
So, when I’ve been doing relatively well, I hesitate to share it. In the last two years, I’ve bought a house, gotten engaged, and gotten married. And while I know that the friends I’ve made through this community are happy for me, it’s hard to confront the larger community when so many others are struggling.
And it’s not that I don’t struggle with lupus and RA. I definitely do. It’s just that the suffering is no longer constant for me.
I’ve wanted to share everything that’s been happening, both the good and the bad, but it’s hard. It’s hard when you’re happy and want to celebrate it. It’s easier to rail against the bad stuff – medications not working, doctors not listening, struggling to stay above water when you feel like everything is closing in around you – because you know that others can relate. You’ve heard it all before, over and over again. You hear less of the good things.
And it diminishes everyone to not allow the sun to shine through the clouds. It diminishes all of us, because we are not just these illnesses. We are wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, friends, and so much more.
We are who we are, and we should never have to apologize for that, or fear that having a good day and sharing that, is going to anger those who aren’t in the same place.
I think that as a community, in order to be cohesive, we need to celebrate our triumphs and our tragedies, our highs along and our lows, whether medical or otherwise. We need to support each other, not tear each other down.
It starts with a simple question: How are you? That’s pretty basic, right? But what’s not so basic is to actually listen to the answer to the question, and to enthusiastically respond, regardless of what the other person’s response is. If someone’s doing well, be their cheerleader. If someone’s struggling, encourage them.
We’re stronger together. We’re stronger when we display a unified front, when we fight as sisters and brothers in the struggle, no matter what stage of disease we are in. We must acknowledge our shared experience. Our shared experience is what brought us together in the first place, and our shared experience is what will keep the community going.
In a world filled with so much divisiveness and strife, we need to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.
The sooner we stop fighting with each other, and start fighting for each other, the better off we will be.