Thursday, February 4, 2016

Am I Enough?

Sometimes I feel down about myself.  In the past, a lot of it was related to being sick.  But as other things have happened in my life, there are other reasons why I feel down.

When you’re applying for jobs, which can be a demoralizing experience, it can really hurt your self-esteem, and the struggle has definitely hurt mine.  I try really hard to stay positive, but when it seems like a lot is going wrong in your life, it’s hard.

After spending two and a half years in New York, it sort of feels like a failure that I couldn’t make it work.  Even though I tried really hard.  Being back in Michigan is where I know I need to be.  For some people, New York is the center of the universe.  It’s the only place that some people can imagine being.  But it just wasn’t for me. 

It’s easy to listen to the negative comments and let those be the ones that keep coming up in our minds, even when there are positive ones, too.  I don’t know why it’s so easy to focus on the haters when it is often hard to listen to compliments and praise. 

This includes blogging.  I love getting positive comments about posts.  But sometimes the comments that stick out the most are the ones that tell me that I’m not doing something right. 

I’ve been struggling.  I’ve had a lot of change in my life over the last few months and years.  And while I am lucky enough to be surrounded by love and support, some of what resounds in my mind are the comments from those who aren’t coming from a place of love and support. 

And this hurts, even when I know that the comments have no merit and are completely untrue. 

And sometimes, when you rely on others to build you up, and they don’t, you’re only left with the negative.

But having gone through everything that I have, and being able to come out on the other side, I know that I am better and stronger than some people make me out to be. 

And I need to surround myself with the people that love and support me, and try and squelch the negative as much as I can. 

The thing that’s important to know about me is that I speak my truth and I own it, and I’m sorry if that truth is not acceptable to others.  But it’s mine, and I don’t shy away from it.  Sometimes the truth hurts.  And sometimes, the truth can set you free. 

So as I sit here grappling with my truth, I also grapple with the question of Am I Enough?

I’m beginning to realize that just because I wasn’t enough for one person, doesn’t mean I’m not enough for anyone. 

And if you’re grappling with whether or not you are enough because of the struggles you are coping with, you are.  You have to believe that.  You cannot let the negative win over the positive. 

I’m trying really hard to work on this myself. 

So the answer is:

Yes, I am enough.


  1. You ARE enough, Leslie! Personally, I think you're amazing, tenacious, and resilient, but that's just me. I also believe that we all wonder if we're enough. We all compare ourselves to others and find ourselves falling short. It's just human. But the fact is that even the most beautiful, successful, and talented among us also feel this way.

    It's important not to let others define and limit us--and it's easy to fall into that trap. When we're rejected, it's especially hard, but I think in those cases we should drop that load right back onto the one(s) who did the rejecting. We didn't fall short; they had unrealistic and perhaps selfish expectations. Or perhaps in the end, we just didn't "click," in which case it's better to discover that early rather than late.

    You're going to shine in Michigan. You're going to grow, recover, and come out even stronger than before. NYC is a wonderful and overwhelming place--my very brief visit, though, showed me what I already knew: I could never live there. Visit, sure. But every day with the crowds, the noise, the confusion, the rush ... well, that would kill my soul.

    I think you did just the right thing. And I'm happy for you! :oD

  2. Enough? Definitely! I'm always amazed with what you are doing. Making a big move is really challenging. When I moved away from my family in Kansas to Illinois, it was so hard. Moving to New York? I could never do it. Add in the other MAJOR things going on in your life, you've been through a lot Leslie. Take time to let it all process. You will get there. We are all cheering for you.

  3. Leslie, thank you for your blog and sharing your life with me, a stranger. I admire the way you and a few others RA bloggers are able to write great blogs. Please give yourself credit and believe in yourself. It will get better with faith.

  4. You are enough. Just the way you are.

  5. This link's for you: