Monday, June 8, 2015

Maybe I Wasn’t Born To Run – But I’ve Got To Do Something

I recently got an idea in my head that my boyfriend and I should train for a duathlon.  A duathlon involves two out of three events between running, biking, and swimming.  I decided that swimming was totally out because I’m not a swimmer and don’t really enjoy the water.

The great thing about a duathlon is that the run is “relatively short”.  The specific race I was looking at was a two mile run, eight mile bike, and two mile run. 

To be clear, this was something that I wanted to do for myself, not in competition with anyone else.  I have been struggling with exercising ever since my dad died, so I thought that maybe having a concrete goal would be the motivation I needed.

So a few weekends ago, my boyfriend dragged me outside for a run.  We walked most of the way.  Try as I might, the running just sucked.  There’s no other way to put it.

I was so frustrated.  Even though two miles isn’t that long of a run for most people, I could barely run a block.  My boyfriend was very encouraging in telling me that I ran more than a block – it was more like three blocks. 

Three blocks does not two miles make.

I have never been a runner, not even pre-illness.  So why force myself to do this?  I don’t know.  What seemed like a good idea before, doesn’t seem like a very good idea now.  It seems stupid.

Who am I kidding?  I can’t compete in an athletic event.  I can barely run three blocks.

I’ve been inspired by blogger friends who are super athletic, but I’m realizing I have to get my own thing.  I guess right now, now that I’m no longer a student, I don’t know exactly what that is yet. 

I’ve considered simply walking the duathlon, rather than even try to run it at all.  Would that be such a bad thing?  Especially if I’m just doing this for me?

So I’m making a pledge to myself.  I’m starting small, going back to the basics.  I’m going back to my walk aerobics DVD, the one I used to do religiously, which kept me in the shape I wanted to be in. 

I guess somewhere along the line I got it in my head that that walk aerobics was for middle-aged women (no offense).  I also think that I became self-conscious doing it around my boyfriend – silly, I know.

The two mile walk takes 30 minutes and the three mile walk takes 45 minutes.  I have that time.  I’m unemployed, at the moment.  And I don’t have any excuse – not that it’s raining – I don’t even have to leave the house.

I have weights and a stepper in the closet.  They have never seen the light of day.  I bought them with good intentions, but even good intentions with no motivation spells disaster.

I don’t feel good about myself for a variety of reasons, but that’s another post.

So no more excuses.  I’m holding myself accountable.  It might not be running, but you’ve got to start somewhere.  And this lady is the most out of shape she has ever been.  I went from being a size zero to barely holding it in, in mediums (sigh).

Methylprednisolone was one of the worst things to ever happen to me.  I have what seem like permanent stretch marks on areas of my body that shouldn’t really have stretch marks.

So I might not be running.  I might barely be walking.  But I’m getting up and doing something.  If I don’t help myself, no one else will.