I have never liked my feet. Even before lupus and RA, my toes are genetically defunct. They go every which way and are just gross.
But recently, I've noticed a new development with my right foot. First there was a nodule on my big toe, and now there is also a nodule on my little toe. My foot literally hurts all the time, especially when I put weight on it (which is most of the time).
I am aware that nodules are a very common consequence of RA, but I never realized how debilitating they can actually be.
It is pretty crazy. I feel like the nodules get worse by the day, unless I am completely off my feet. Then they seem to calm down and retreat a little bit. But otherwise, they hurt something fierce.
I have to grit my teeth in pain, but I have to go on with my daily life because I don’t really have a choice.
And the nodules also remind me of the nightmare that I've had many times that I wake up and my hands are totally deformed.
RA can change by the day. I go to sleep with the nodule looking one way and wake up with it looking differently. I go to sleep with one nodule and wake up with two. It's very distressing; I’m not going to lie.
My body is finally starting to show its wear on the outside. But to the untrained eye, these nodules might not be noticeable. That's why I point them out in the picture (see photo at the end of this post).
To me, I noticed them fairly quickly and wondered if my eyes deceived me. Maybe my feet have always looked like that, with strange bumps of bone forcing their way out.
But my rheumatologist confirmed that I do in fact have two very angry nodules on my foot.
I'm not crazy. They are really there.
And what this really means is that my illness is in active-disease mode. Even though it seems that lupus may have the upper hand at the moment, clearly RA is there competing for prominence.
And visible, painful nodules are a really great way for RA to declare itself to me.
I thought that maybe I was lucky enough to escape some of the ravages of RA, but I guess not.
I only hope that the nodules don’t get worse, because that might necessitate a review of, and changes to, my current treatment regimen.
But I’ll just have to wait and see…and keep my eyes peeled…