But as far
as social commitments go, I have become fairly good at picking what I can and
can’t do.
To be
clear, this isn’t simply an evaluation of what I want to do. There are many
things I want to do, but ultimately can’t
or don’t do because they will either cause me to lose too many spoons, which
will prevent me from doing other things, or I’ve already hit my spoon limit,
and trying to do anything else would add insult to injury.
It has
taken me a long time to get here. There
was a time when I said yes to everything, and often, at great detriment to myself.
And it’s just
not worth it to me.
And there
is still a part of me that really would like to be able to say yes to every social
invitation that comes my way. Saying no
is something that I still struggle with, but it is never just a knee jerk
reaction. It is something that takes
thought and consideration on my part.
I know
that not everyone understands this.
It’s
really hard when I get pushback when I know that I’m making the right decision
for me.
And maybe
some people view that as being selfish and thinking only of myself. But when it comes to my health, everything else
comes second.
And maybe
people questioning me when I say no to invitations is a New York thing. I truly do not remember my life in Michigan consisting
so much of running interference about the decisions I make in regard to social
events.
And my
decision is my decision. If it’s an event
that also involves my boyfriend, and I feel that I can’t go, he can always go
without me. I hope I’ve made this clear
to him.
My saying
no and begging out of things doesn’t mean that other people have to feel sorry
for me and not go or not do something in solidarity with me. I don’t expect that from anyone, including those
closest to me.
But I do
expect some understanding that when I say no, it is truly, first and foremost,
a decision that is more about my health and less about the specific event.
As much as
it’s hard for me to say no, I guess it’s hard for some people to accept that
answer (and this is something that has happened more than once with different
people).
And maybe
on my end, it’s expecting too much.
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