Wednesday, June 18, 2014

My Rallying Cry

I just got back from a two week vacation in Michigan.  I got to spend time with my family and friends.  It was a really nice time.

It also made me realize that some of the comforts of home involve my illnesses. 

There were two and a half days in the last two weeks in which I felt really bad. 

The day after I got home, it rained all day, so that left me with a headache and totally spacey feeling.

Then we were going to a Tiger’s (baseball) game.  I woke up feeling fine, but a few hours later ended up with a pretty bad headache.  I went back to bed and told my sister to wake me up, and each time, asked for another half an hour, because every time I tried to lift my head off of the pillow, I overcome with dizziness.  Eventually, it got to the point where I didn’t have another half an hour before we needed to leave.

So I got up and dressed.

The nice thing was that my family told me I didn’t have to go to the game, if I didn’t feel up to it.  Or, I could go, and if I didn’t feel well, we could leave the game. 

It was so nice.  But I told them that I would go, that I would rally.  And I did. 

But I always struggle with trying to rally and simply waiting until I feel better to do things.  Sometimes I wonder whether I wouldn’t start to feel better just by pushing myself to get out of bed. 

However, then there are real feelings of not feeling well, that you can’t shake, no matter what.

But what was really refreshing was to have people just get it.  Who I didn’t have to explain to, and who I wouldn’t have to justify myself to if I wouldn’t have been able to rally.

And that’s a big part of what is missing in New York.  Aside from my family, of course.  I feel like I have to have an explanation for everything I don’t do.  The lifestyle in New York City is just go, go, go, do, do, do, no matter what.  And that just doesn’t work for me.    

I pride myself in my ability to rally.  Sometimes it takes an hour and I can bounce back.  Other times, it takes hours.  And other times, it doesn’t happen at all. 

But with my family, the important thing is being together.  So whether that means me being in bed and my parents being in the next room, going to a baseball game or the mall or whatever, it doesn’t matter.  Because we’re together.  And now that I live in New York, we get that time so much less often than we used to.

But that time is sacred.  And so is my health.  And when it comes to my family, those two things happen to go together.    

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