Physical Therapy Redux: “It’s All In Your Butt”

The theme for the next edition of PFAM is memorable advice. I think my experience of physical therapy over the last few months fits well with this.

Besides the colonoscopy and defogram, this has been the worst experience I have ever had in the medical system.

Not only was the physical therapy itself uncomfortable and antiquated, but I felt like my physical therapist and I were living on two different planets

“At least now you know, it’s not all in your head, it’s in your butt.”

Yes, that lovely phrase was spoken by my physical therapist. I’m not sure whether to laugh, cry, or smack her. Or all three.

Overall, the experience was a little too touchy-feely for me, literally and figuratively. I have never been one of those people who can really zen out or find mindful breathing to be helpful. It’s just too much granola hippie-ness for me. Or maybe I’m just far too high maintenance. Either way...

My physical therapist and I engaged in a variety of conversations. Thank goodness for the distraction, because it’s not like I could just pretend that her finger wasn’t up my ass.

After telling my PT that I was Jewish, she started spouting off Christian verses. Holy uncomfortableness. I think it is probably the most unprofessional thing I have experienced at the hands of a medical professional.

And it’s hard to commune with a part of your body that you can’t see, and is only used to evacuate excrement. I’m pretty sure even if I could see it, I wouldn’t like it very much.

I know, maybe I’m being too much of a hard ass.

But I’m supposed to be getting in touch with my bottom-side. I’ve tried to be as open-minded as possible during this process, if for no other reason than to hope that it helps, and that all of the uncomfortable-ness was worth something. And in some ways, it has helped; and in other ways it hasn’t. (But I won’t go into that in depth, because I fear, my dear readers, that I may have actually found something that is just TMI for you…and for me…)

Truthfully, I counted down the days until therapy was over. And today, it finally was!

I also coincidentally had an appointment with my GI doc today. This is the woman who I have seen randomly at the hospital and there’s no recognition on her part. Well, today she came in and asked how my Crohn’s is. I said I don’t have Crohn’s. Colitis, she asks? And I’m like no. And she says she should probably look at my chart. And then she’s like, oh yeah, you have lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. All those autoimmune diseases just run together.

So the outcome of that appointment was that I need to have another colonoscopy. But should I really trust this doctor to do it? I just hope she knows which end is up…

Are you the butt of every joke? No, but my butt is!

I’m laughing so hard I can’t go on…