“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Who, me? Why I’m not a
witch at all.”
On Saturday, I had a follow up visit with my primary care doctor. To put it mildly, it went terribly. He asked me one question, I answered truthfully, and he freaked out. He basically told me that if I coped better with life, I wouldn’t be sick.
Well isn’t
that rich? Is that your
many-years-of-medical-school-medically-informed-opinion doctor? Because if it is, you need to go back to
school. And if it’s not, you need to
stop. Just stop.
You know,
when he learns what it’s like to become chronically ill in his early 20s and
lose his dad on his 29th birthday in a very traumatic way, then
judge me. But until then, don’t – and oh
wait, he can’t because he’s already way past that. All things considered, I think I’m doing pretty
well. And I am not perfect my any means,
but I don’t deserve to have some doctor’s petty resentments projected onto me. That’s not right and it’s not fair.
I barely
held it together in the appointment. I should
have stood up for myself. Or I should
have just walked out. But I didn’t. I sat there, trying not to cry. Trying not to scream “You have no idea what
you’re talking about!” But I clammed up,
I closed off, and I didn’t know what to say.
I don’t think I’ll ever go back to him again.
This situation
reminds me why I sometimes hate doctors, and why I sometimes go through phases where
it all just gets to be too overwhelming and I have to take a break for a while.
Whenever that
happens, I get delinquent about doing the preventative things I’m supposed
to. And then things happen, and I’m
rocked back into reality and the fact that I have a crappy immune system and all
that comes with it.
And maybe that’s
because I’ve had a lot of bad doctor/medical professional experiences, not just
the one I just described.
Here is a
case in point:
Not long
after I got sick, I had a yeast infection. It was really bad. I’ve never had one like that before or since. My only choice was to go to the walk in
clinic at student health. I saw this
nurse practitioner who was asking me questions and basically told me that since
I had lupus and RA, why was I even thinking about having sex? Like sick people can’t have sex? I was so shocked, I didn’t really react or
fight back.
Honestly, I’m
still traumatized by that one.
But then I have
experiences like today, that renew my faith in the medical profession, and make
me realize that there are good doctors out there, and that we need to work
together to improve healthcare.
I finally
went to the gynecologist, after too long of not going (read several years). And I had to see a man, which I wasn’t
thrilled about. But it went very
well. The doctor was very thorough in
taking my medical history. And he really
understood the complexity that is my chronic illnesses. He was very non-judgmental. And his office staff was very professional. I was very impressed. I left feeling very good about the
appointment, which you can’t generally say about the gynecologist. And thought, why can’t he be my primary care
doctor?
I’ve learned
that the office staff at a doctor’s office says a lot about the doctor. So this doesn’t bode well for my primary care
doctor.
Aside from
the situation I described, I received a notice that my new insurance had been billed
for an appointment when I didn’t have that insurance, so of course they
rejected it. I’d called my old insurance,
and they stated they had never even received the claim. Getting anyone from my primary care doctor’s
office to deal with it has been a huge problem, so in retrospect, I shouldn’t have
been so surprised about Saturday because I suspect that some of what went on
was a result of having to basically fire his entire office staff.
But regardless,
if I’m having a bad day, I cannot treat my clients the way my doctor treated
me. So even if, as I strongly suspect,
the behavior wasn’t actually directed at me specifically, it doesn’t make it
okay. It’s unacceptable.
And if the
billing issues that I experienced are such a widespread problem for this doctor,
then I believe the doctor should have sent a letter out to all patients,
explaining the situation and that they are trying to rectify it. But rather than act responsibly, he decided
to take it out on me.
I’ve spent a
long time feeling like improving healthcare falls squarely on the shoulders of
patients. But I think that doctors can
help with this, too. And they should. Rather than taking anger and frustration out
on an individual patient, talk to Congress.
Explain that while a practice manager used to be a master at insurance,
the system is too fractured now and confusing, that it’s impossible to stay on
top of it. And not only does it make it
difficult for the doctor and his staff, it also makes it difficult for his
patients.
For patients
like me, who had to make seven calls to his office, only to find out that he fired
his old biller, which seemed to be the standard line. Five messages went unanswered, a call to a
person told me that they would reach out to their outside biller and she would
get back to me. Weeks went by with
nothing. So despite my disappointment on
Saturday, I mentioned it on my way out of the office. I was
told I had to speak with someone on Monday.
I spoke with someone yesterday, and I have been assured that the situation
will be rectified.
But this isn’t
how it should be. This shouldn’t be what
patients come to expect as normal. Every
visit shouldn’t become a fight. Every appointment
shouldn’t be approached with trepidation because of how much it might cost or
how difficult it will be to make sure that the right amount gets billed to the
right insurance.
I shouldn’t avoid
obtaining necessary healthcare because I’m worried about how a doctor will
react to me. Or if they won’t be understanding
or compassionate toward my illnesses.
I’m sick,
but I did nothing wrong.
Doctors spend
years in medical school, studying and learning.
But clearly there are still things that aren’t being taught well. Clearly the non-medical aspects of being a doctor
don’t rub off on everyone.
Next time, I
will be strong. I will fight back. I will throw down. And I will stand up for myself. Because I didn’t ask to be sick, and I’m
doing the best I can to live with it, but the fact that I’m sick, on its own,
does not give anyone, including a doctor, a right to mistreat and disrespect
me.
It bothers me that despite the fact that I don’t have any years of medical school behind me, my eight plus years of experience as a patient still isn’t seen as being worthy of praise or esteem. For some doctors, it doesn’t even grant me a seat at the table or even a voice in the exam room.
It bothers me that despite the fact that I don’t have any years of medical school behind me, my eight plus years of experience as a patient still isn’t seen as being worthy of praise or esteem. For some doctors, it doesn’t even grant me a seat at the table or even a voice in the exam room.
I will
continue to be outspoken when I find the courage to use my voice. But doctors cannot remain silent. They are 50% of the doctor-patient equation. They must stand up for themselves and they
must stand up for their patients. Getting
consumed in the greed and the bureaucracy diminishes us all. It makes doctors focus more on the bottom
line and less on healing and minimizing suffering. And it cheapens the patient experience. It makes us bitterer, angrier, and less
compassionate, both for our doctors and for ourselves.
