My Rallying Cry

I just got back from a two week vacation in Michigan.  I got to spend time with my family and friends.  It was a really nice time.

It also made me realize that some of the comforts of home involve my illnesses. 

There were two and a half days in the last two weeks in which I felt really bad. 

The day after I got home, it rained all day, so that left me with a headache and totally spacey feeling.

Then we were going to a Tiger’s (baseball) game.  I woke up feeling fine, but a few hours later ended up with a pretty bad headache.  I went back to bed and told my sister to wake me up, and each time, asked for another half an hour, because every time I tried to lift my head off of the pillow, I overcome with dizziness.  Eventually, it got to the point where I didn’t have another half an hour before we needed to leave.

So I got up and dressed.

The nice thing was that my family told me I didn’t have to go to the game, if I didn’t feel up to it.  Or, I could go, and if I didn’t feel well, we could leave the game. 

It was so nice.  But I told them that I would go, that I would rally.  And I did. 

But I always struggle with trying to rally and simply waiting until I feel better to do things.  Sometimes I wonder whether I wouldn’t start to feel better just by pushing myself to get out of bed. 

However, then there are real feelings of not feeling well, that you can’t shake, no matter what.

But what was really refreshing was to have people just get it.  Who I didn’t have to explain to, and who I wouldn’t have to justify myself to if I wouldn’t have been able to rally.

And that’s a big part of what is missing in New York.  Aside from my family, of course.  I feel like I have to have an explanation for everything I don’t do.  The lifestyle in New York City is just go, go, go, do, do, do, no matter what.  And that just doesn’t work for me.    

I pride myself in my ability to rally.  Sometimes it takes an hour and I can bounce back.  Other times, it takes hours.  And other times, it doesn’t happen at all. 

But with my family, the important thing is being together.  So whether that means me being in bed and my parents being in the next room, going to a baseball game or the mall or whatever, it doesn’t matter.  Because we’re together.  And now that I live in New York, we get that time so much less often than we used to.

But that time is sacred.  And so is my health.  And when it comes to my family, those two things happen to go together.    

Taking A Vacation From My Vacation

That sounds totally weird, right?  Taking a vacation from a vacation.

But when you’re chronically ill, sometimes that has to happen.

I recently traveled to California, and upon returning to New York, I felt like I needed to recover.

Don’t get me wrong.  The vacation was great and very relaxed.

And yet, staying up for almost 24 hours between leaving New York and going to sleep in California, two-, six and a half hour flights, and a three hour time change, is a lot for my body to handle. 

Thankfully, I was with people who were more understanding than most.  We didn’t plan any activities that would be super strenuous or taxing, but I still needed to pace myself. 

Saturday afternoon I took a nap, which was much needed since we had plans in the evening.  Sunday we drove to Sonoma, so that was pretty relaxing.  And Monday we explored San Francisco. 

Lately, I’ve felt like I am flaring.  Like really.  Which hasn’t happened in a while.

I’ve been totally exhausted, to the point that I was when I first got sick.  I’m in a lot of pain.  And most recently, I’ve had the tell tale pain under my right rib. 

And I don’t want to blame it on vacation.  Because if you can’t sit back and relax when you are on vacation, when can you?

It seems like getting back into my daily routine of activity and commuting has hit me really hard.  I definitely needed a vacation from that – and in that respect – I don’t think my vacation was long enough.

In reality, vacation is a word I haven’t seen in a while, and it was a much needed break. 

But it has made me realize that I need to re-evaluate things.  I need to have a contingency plan.  I need to figure out how much vacation time I need after a vacation. 

Does it matter if it’s a car trip versus a train trip versus a plane trip? 

Does it matter if I end up in a different time zone? 

Does it matter if I’m traveling alone or with other people?

Again, don’t get me wrong.  The vacation was totally worth it.  We saw good people, ate good food, and soaked up some much needed sun that we hadn’t seen in about four months during the eternal winter we’ve been having.      

So if you’ve been wondering where I’ve been, blog-wise, I was on vacation, and then since then, I have been recovering from my vacation.