Looking Back

I’ve decided as of late that one thing that will not help me move forward is looking back. Once I’ve made a decision about directions to go with treatment and medication, I can’t second-guess it or later wonder if I made the right decision.

Similarly, Lupus manifests itself in very complex ways. Episodes that seemed simple may have been early signs that my immune system was starting to spin out of control.

Doctors don’t want you to go to them every time you have a stomachache or sore throat – that would bring to a halt an already bogged down medical system. However, when you’re diagnosed with an autoimmune illness, doctors think that you should have seen the warning signs.

Small things, that maybe I didn’t even go to the doctor for, taken one their own, seemed like nothing. But when they all hit at once and my whole world came crashing down in front of me, it became painfully obvious that something was very, very wrong.

Although it’s hard for me to admit to myself that I’m not to blame for this, this is not my fault.

Other than realizing that something was wrong with my body and not stopping until I found a doctor that would listen to me (which wasn’t nearly as easy as it sounds), I have to believe that there is nothing more I could have done.