Too Much Reality

Tonight when I was half paying attention to “ER,” I heard the following:

Is she on any meds?

Prednisone and plaquenil*. She has Lupus.

(And of course the woman ended up dying.)

Honestly, if I wanted to watch reality TV, I would. Since when is “ER” considered reality TV?

When they started playing my reality.

I had considered doing either the Lupus or Arthritis walks, but realized that it would be too much, too soon. It would mean that I am accepting the hand I have been dealt.

And eventually, I will have to.

But right now, it is too much, too soon. If “ER” mentioning Lupus makes my skin crawl and my heart beat faster, how would I feel entering myself as one of them?

These wounds are still too fresh and new…

Acceptance takes time.


* What I’ve referred to as Hydroxychloroquine. They are the same thing.