tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post8715913469459366152..comments2024-03-22T13:46:31.211-04:00Comments on Getting Closer To Myself: Deny, Deny, DenyLesliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13910940045470516414noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-71072381195920307552009-04-26T11:44:00.000-04:002009-04-26T11:44:00.000-04:00Thanks Marie, for your words of encouragement. Yo...Thanks Marie, for your words of encouragement. Your comment really spoke to me, as if you were talking to me in person.Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13910940045470516414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-71703809767893111622009-04-26T11:43:00.000-04:002009-04-26T11:43:00.000-04:00I'm glad you related to this post, hydropsyche. T...I'm glad you related to this post, hydropsyche. Thanks for reading!Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13910940045470516414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-68613884718180455652009-04-25T20:04:00.000-04:002009-04-25T20:04:00.000-04:00Oh, sweetie, once again you are breaking my heart!...Oh, sweetie, once again you are breaking my heart! It is SO unfair that someone your age, any age, has to deal with a crap illness. Your struggles are so familiar to me and so very normal.<br /><br />Accept limitations? I have to have minor surgery next week and a nurse called from the surgicenter to go over my medical history. If she had asked simply "How is your health?" I would have replied "Fine!" without a second thought.<br /><br />As she went over each of my 'conditions' I grew more and more horrified to think she was actually talking about me! <br /><br />By the time she got to "...and you have MS." I was shrunk into a humiliated ball.<br /><br />Ah, good old denial. It is my middle name.<br /><br />You are right, you didn't choose your illness, but I don't believe it chose you either. I think it is just one of those fucked up things in life. But I look at the wisdom you share about your challenges and I think about all the people who read it and will take some comfort from what you have written. Despite what you are dealing with, you are doing such good.<br /><br />You will find someone to love you, genuinely love your wit and brains and beauty.Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10106720865034468249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-85078885664815807082009-04-25T08:51:00.000-04:002009-04-25T08:51:00.000-04:00I just came back to reread this, Leslie, and to le...I just came back to reread this, Leslie, and to leave my own word of thanks. It is an especially odd situation, being young, in grad school, and suddenly having a chronic illness. It always makes me feel better to know that there is at least one other person out there who shares my experience.hydropsychenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-39766667636005295422009-04-24T20:47:00.000-04:002009-04-24T20:47:00.000-04:00Thanks Kerry and Barbara for your kind words of en...Thanks Kerry and Barbara for your kind words of encouragement! Always appreciated!Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13910940045470516414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-89533763048012738332009-04-24T17:36:00.000-04:002009-04-24T17:36:00.000-04:00Some people can cruise. Others dive. You're clea...Some people can cruise. Others dive. You're clearly a diver. You don't avoid truth - admitting denial is truth. I too am a diver. I can't do it, go through life, with a pain condition, without continually picking at the scabs and seeing what's underneath the underneath.<br /><br />Your relentless insight is what causes you some heartache, but it is also a ferocious strength.<br /><br />When I read your words, even the ones that allude to wishing for an end, I don't hear succumbing. I hear desperation and determination.<br /><br />You are already loved - by your readers who keep coming back to join in your story. And there will be others who are drawn to your inimitable essence.<br /><br />And, you are a writer.Barbara K.http://www.insicknessinhealth.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-66351353500124675812009-04-24T14:45:00.000-04:002009-04-24T14:45:00.000-04:00A whole year of sharing your journey through your ...A whole year of sharing your journey through your blog-- that alone is quite an accomplishment. Sharing it makes a difference for all of us living with chronic illness as it affirms our own journeys and our feelings.<br /><br />Thanks for sharing your reality. Denial with a capital D is a big part of living with illness--sometimes I think it's an awfully good coping mechanism even...then sometimes it trips us up. After a twenty year journey with chronic illness I have found that acceptance grows, as does peace with the changes and challenges living with chronic illness brings. But the growth is slow...sure but slow...so slow, it's hard to see in ourselves.<br /><br />Wholeness I believe is making the best soup you can out of the ingredients life gives ya. If we're ill and making soup (not giving up) that's enough to feel darn good about. It's obvious from reading your blog that you don't give up.<br /><br />There will be people who see the beauty, strength, determination and vulnerability in how you live with the challenges of your illness...and they will love you for it!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Sincerely, KerryKerryhttp://www.lemon-aideonline.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-81739829126259916492009-04-22T11:10:00.000-04:002009-04-22T11:10:00.000-04:00Thanks to all for the comments and e-mails I have ...Thanks to all for the comments and e-mails I have received over the last few days as a result of this post. I'm dealing with a lot right now, but am confident that I'll get through it. I always do! Thanks again!Lesliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13910940045470516414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-25157839142519706072009-04-21T18:01:00.000-04:002009-04-21T18:01:00.000-04:00As I came across your blog I was hoping I could sh...As I came across your blog I was hoping I could share it with my 14 year old daughter who was recently diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis. As I read, I could barely continue due to my own feelings of discomfort with the content and the very real emotions contained. After finishing it, especially the mention of cellcept and finishing a bottle of pills, I was pretty clear that this would not be something I would share with my little girl. Now that I sit here and ponder the well written essay, I realize there is nothing here that she herself has not already considered. Particularly the issues around being loved. Everyone goes through their stages of loss/grief etc. I have tried to convince myself that she may take better care of herself through her life now that she is saddled with this disease and all that goes with it. The fact is she never knew what it was like to feel "whole". But I know she will be loved - really loved. I have been a physician for 15 years and a cancer survivor for 6. There is real love out there for anyone and everyone who is willing and able to give it. As the cliche goes its the one thing that you get the more you give away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-79237272834615601502009-04-21T17:13:00.000-04:002009-04-21T17:13:00.000-04:00I am sitting here trying to think of an adequate c...I am sitting here trying to think of an adequate comment and can't. Powerful...That describes this blog. As a fellow human being living with chronic illness I can most certainly identify with your current state of being. You are an inspiration.<br />KelliKellihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09166638497909239665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5532388825298713035.post-51181395211128026452009-04-21T01:44:00.000-04:002009-04-21T01:44:00.000-04:00Happy anniversary to your blog! It's been quite r...Happy anniversary to your blog! It's been quite refreshing to have found this from the Grand Rounds carousel, and I believe discovering incisive and sincere viewpoints is part of its value. Yours is a thoughtful meditation on self-becoming, both in light of and in spite of your bout with some pretty difficult autoimmune diseases. I won't presume to know anything about what it means to persistently overcome and be overcomed by them, but you surely exhibit a courage and determination that I would want to emulate if I had to encounter similar circumstances. My worldview is partly shaped by the existence of a divine purpose, but I would never believe that disease and illness is something that goes along with that--rather, they descend from a despicable but amoral roll of the dice. I don't think there is meant to be a purpose for it all, but I do think people prefer to ascribe some purpose for reasons they find sobering yet empowering. I believe you've come a very long way and hope to see that continue :o). Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, insights and reflections, and I appreciate being invited in the online audience that listens in support and encourages you along the way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com